I am a bit disturbed lately. It as if that God has called me. I really do not know, I do not understand. Even now as I type this blog, my heart palpitates, my hands are shaky, my head spins like thinking something that I cannot picture out.
My desire to serve God was again brought to my senses....
Back when I was a little kid, I see myself different from my fellow neighbors and other kids that I grow up with. I am more interested to religious things rather than toys. Stories of the lives of the saints rather than comic books. Attend prayer activities rather than going to children parties. I even organized prayer session with my fellow kids, hold processions and fiestas which somewhat they found interesting..
I served as an altar boy throughout my elementary days, I really love to become a priest that time.
Highschool came when my interests shifted. Now, I want to be an actor, astronaut, teacher, businessman, just to name a few. I have been very active with school activities and events. I even hold position in various clubs. But my desire to serve God, my love of prayer and my Christian values has not changed, even though the idea of wanting to become a priest was been out of the issue, still, I want to serve God in other ways.
Life became tough during my college days, my previous blogs can attest to that. It is like a time when God distance from us and test for our faith. The problems never rock our Faith in God in our family. There are times when we find hard to eat meals due to lack or really nothing to eat but still we are happy. God has blessed us not materially but spiritually satisfied and placing our hopes and trust in Him.
Those stricken years triggered me to create an ambition, to raise the standards of living of my family. As the eldest son, I felt I have the responsibility to fulfill the dreams of my parents, to live rich life, yes, it is my ambition.
During my second year I started to work part-time while studying. The pay doesn't make much to self support my studies but my goal at that time is for experience and to gain knowledge in the field of business and management. It was a great and fun learning experience for me. Gained enough wisdom and thus creating more spaces of hope that one day, I will be rich, I will fulfill our family's dreams.
In my mind I have said to myself that I can server God by donating to charities and share my income to others.
Until I graduate, and soon after, I became a manager of one of the food chain branches that the company owns. The first two years were full of pressures and challenges after a year, I decided to resign, felt that I really have something to do in my life and to fund out what it would be, then the thought of quitting is a priority.
But because of being a good listener and follower, I decided to stay another year because of my mentors and my good fellow colleague's advice. I also decided to continue thinking that maybe I am just tired of the that particular branch and also to the superior that I have been working with, so they transfer me to a store much nearer to my house.
The second year was a mixed events. I have been a regular attendee of prayer meetings, I love the mass more than ever, and it seems that I have grown my faith.
I was also assigned in Tacloban for one month. it was like a retreat for me because I was detach from my normal life: No internet, no television, no radio and even sometimes I deprived myself from food in order to give to others.
I learn more to love the art of sharing, to the point of I have nothing left for me. I felt transformed, I am disturbed of the happenings and the desire in my heart. It seems God has called me again to serve Him and the people. I am confused right now, I do not know what to do.
I did finally resigned for good and this time for serious discernment, for verification if this is the right thing to do, if this is really what God wants me to do, if this is what I live for, if this is my life's purpose.
