What now

I have been very grateful to God lately. It seems that I more feel His presence now than those days.

Maybe because I was serving Him.

Maybe because I am now more prayerful.

But maybe my best answer is that, I am more trustful, and confident of God's love and reliable only on His goodness.

I am now in my spiritual awakening, I am glad that God called me this early to have more intimate relationship with Him.

But still, there are struggles, struggles to defeat fear and anxiety, struggles to discipline myself; struggles of being more faithful.

Human nature as is, I am not exempted of trials and difficulties. I am not exempted of the temptation that surrounds me, in fact, I can feel now that the more I serve God, the more the devil wants to hold me back. 

One of my struggles now is to know what God wants me to do. It is still not clear of me what He wants me to do. I have fears of what will happen to me in the future. I have fears what will I become in the long run. I have fears of what others may say unto me. But even with the fear, there is a certain peace inside my heart. I still doubt, I want to doubt but it seems that God is telling me that I should not worry, that everything will be alright. 

"O God you know the deepest desires of my heart, you know well my capabilities and talents, and you know that I offer it all to you. Use me as you will, use me to bring light to others, use me to be an inspiration, use me as you want me to be."