Tita Bebs

We have earnestly prayed for healing to her for we believe that she has still to live in order to enjoy life and to fulfill her dreams. Day night we prayed, never come a day that we forget to pray and to beseech and knocking heavens to hear us. But my aunt, at the age of 52, returned to God.

It is again seems that our prayers are in vain, that our prayers are not heard. The pain, the questions cannot be separated in us. Why Lord, why this disaster in our family. I d o not understand, we live a faithful life, we serve, we avoid sin in every possible way. Lord I cannot understand, I cannot grasp. She has to live, she many dreams to fulfill.

Why Lord, I still believe in you, I still love you, I will still serve you. If this will be for your glory so be it. But the pain in unbearable, my heart is broken everytime my mother cries.

“Lord are you closing you ears to us? Why you have not heard us? Why bad things happen to good people? I cannot understand why, but it is your will. Let it be done”   

+Marilou Bulay Franciso, may you rest in peace. Amen

Failed

Failed!

I can never count the times I failed in my life, more than the fingers of my hand and toes. They are just astounding that it seems I cannot get over from them and still experienced and still struggling with it.

Now, I failed again, again…

With failure, there is regret. I failed with my finances. I am in terrible debt right now; I do not know how to pay with it. I cannot even ask my parents to help because I’m sure, they will never help me.

I failed in my work, with it is regret. I regret that I resigned, if I just sprinkle a little of perseverance to it, I may able to pay my debt in no time and follow the desires of my heart. If I don’t resigned, maybe I can help my parents, I am not miserable today, I may not be desperate in looking for jobs and thinking to myself just anything to survive and be out of this depression.

I rejected a job in a retail industry, if again, I have thought, that I accepted it, and put a tiny bitty perseverance to it, then less than a year I may able to survive able to pay my outstanding debt and follow my dreams soon.

All I do now is to regret and think of the past. But the more I think of it, the more I get sad and worry. It seems I love to fail, it is my specialty. This has been part of my life ever since I can remember. In schools, in friends, in projects and assignments, in decision and in work. I cannot get over with it.  

But I have been reminded that “failure is temporary, victory is permanent” and I have a champion partner who will be with me throughout this game of life, and that is GOD.

Now, I may be in distress and in anxiety, but I promise to myself, someday I will succeed and will be reminisce this part of my life as a testing point to where I could last. I will be VICTORIOUS.

“Lord, sorry for the time I have fallen and for the times I blame you for my wrong decisions, please give me more faith, more hope that I could trust you. Lord, I am very afraid, sometimes I lose my focus on you, and will divert my attention to the strong waves around me that makes me terrify. Please be with me now, help me, I give my all to you”

God hurt me

God hurt me

Why God hurt me?

In the midst of my faithful service to Him, my dedication and love, it seems not enough.

My heart is going to burst with pain and sadness. I do not know how I will be going to cope this.

Why He allows me to experience shame, and false hope? Why he allows me to feel this way? Why he wants me to get hurt? 

I am very hopeful already that I will be going to get the job; I have already imagined myself working in that company. But just when I was very excited to start, the company place me on hold for certain reasons.

A lot of trouble we experience lately by our family: My father's working dilemma in the war stricken Syria that made him and other workers to be stranded; My aunt Marilou's worsened condition, despite we stormed heaven by our prayers. 
 

Lord, hear me! Listen to me? Where are you when I need you most?

Broke

Broke.

Why Lord? The very popular question.

I have been struggling to understand the depth of God’s wisdom as to how why He allows such things to happen in my life. Why all the miserable mishaps towards His faithful servant?

I may never analyze this in my lifetime, but surely, I am very hurt, I cannot understand why. I was in the cloud nine of happiness a few weeks ago, but I am in this state right now. I do not understand why, but there is still the peace inside of me, but I cannot control my worry, I cannot contain my anxiety, I do not know what to do. But in the effort of understanding, it seems God is speaking to me to relax and not to worry. But out of my stubbornness and still my incomplete trust to Him, I fret a lot.

“Lord help me to trust you more, open my heart to know you and to place my hopes in you. I cannot fathom your ways but I am sure, it will be for the best”

Unexplainable

Unexplainable

Yes, from the title it says true to me this past few days, or months in my life now.

It seems I am crazy, out of my mind, distorted and disturbed. I am not on myself because I was ambitious, materialistic and proud person, but now, I do not know what happened.

]it all started when I was assigned in Tacloban for a month and time there really run or should I say crawl very slow since I have no outlet to burst out my tons of energy, and I have no where else to go. I drown myself to constant prayer and meditation during my rest days and every day I suppose. No tv, no internet, no radio, no news. Everything. I was just work-boarding house-work-boarding house routine, but between those is “church” before I go to work, I pass the church of the Sacred Heart of Jesus and I earnestly prayed there every time I proceed to work. And I can still vividly remember my prayer was:

“Lord, help me to find another job when I get back to Cebu, Lord, use me according to your will and purpose”

I kept on repeating that prayer in one month. I also read the book, “the purpose driven life” by Rick Warren.

Until one day (I cannot remember the exact day) when I was recollecting my thought and my ambition before to become a priest. It’s as seems a flashback of my life is played. I recall the times I am so ecstatic when I am serving, or when I am praying and everything that I was doing before that is connected in the church or in the community.

I am not sure why that thing is happening to me: maybe because of boredom, maybe because of nothing to do but to pray. But I am very sure that God is telling me something, and that something I have to look forward to in the future. But I am very glad now, that God has called me to serve Him, through the Awesome Kids Ministry of the Light of Jesus Family. I am so grateful because I know He is the one who led my hand here. And I am very excited to what is happening to me more in the future.

Praise be to God.